This is rather frank and open post. Nothing too serious, but just be warned :)

I've been having some very interesting discussions with my local friends recently about 'dating' in Japan. This is rather fascinating for me, as I really don't see how Japanese people get together. The men and women are in general quite introverted and 'shy' (besides the crazy nanpa men, of course), and I don't think I've ever really seen a man make a move on a woman even in places where I'd expect to see it (bars, clubs and so on). So when I was out with Tabe, Ai and Kazuyo recently, I asked them what they thought. They all said that the best way, for girls anyway, is through a "friend of a friend". One way that they do this is called 'konpa', where a group of guys and girls will get together to hang out. It's usually done at a bar, izakaya or similar, and everyone sort of mingles until they find someone they like. Or not, hehe. If something happens, it happens, otherwise you go to another one.

I guess it's not really that different to how it works in Australia, although I think there's a lot random pick up attempts back home. When I used to hang out at places like the Raffles in Applecross, I used to see people 'working the crowd' all the time. It's a confidence thing, I suppose. All three of the girls moaned about how shy Japanese men are, and Ai said she'd even made the first move towards a couple of guys she liked. That's pretty impressive, I think. I suppose for Japanese women, it ,may even have come down to almost desperation! Either you make a first move or you stay single, because the horde of men that do actually really like you are all standing around staring at their feet and wondering what to do.

The other interesting thing is how Japanese people who have lived overseas approach dating. Living overseas really seems to change most Japanese people - it makes them a lot more open and confident. Ai and Tabe studied for a while in Australia, so they're good examples of this. They both said that while they certainly wouldn't rule it out, they would probably find it quite hard to find a decent Japanese guy now. This a general trend in Japan, in fact, with lots of women seemingly interested in gaijins. I think a lot of this is just various types of brainwashing, but everyone I have asked who is interested in gaijin have put up fairly good defences for it. Apparently we are taller, more chivalrous, more confident and generally more fun to hang out with.

While that makes me feel somewhat lucky to be in Japan, I really don't like being chased just because I'm gaijin. I know a few girls who seem to only be interested in talking to me and getting to know me because of that, and it makes me feel really used. The first few months here, the attention is totally awesome and you tend to lap it up and use it to spruce up the ego. After a while it gets tiring, though. Seeing that look of surprise and interest on a girl's face just because you're gaijin becomes tiresome and boring, not attractive. It's somewhat difficult to trust that people who say they like you actually like you because of who you are, and not just because you're gaijin and/or can teach them English. So there you go, a double edged sword, hehe.